


Enough

by thekatthatbarks



Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-30
Updated: 2017-05-30
Packaged: 2018-11-06 17:26:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11040834
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thekatthatbarks/pseuds/thekatthatbarks
Summary: Kakashi was never Sakura's sensei. They meet as adults.





	Enough

Kakashi sighed as he felt someone else enter the training ground. He called out without looking over his shoulder, “Sorry, I already have the training ground booked.”

A woman’s voice replied, “Well, the guys must have messed up then, because _I_ also had the ground booked.”

He turned around to see a smiling woman with her hand on her hip. “How about we share? I think it’d be fun to see if I can keep up with the great Copy Nin.”

The vibrant pink hair was what gave her away. _Haruno Sakura_. The name flashed through his mind. He’d heard about her and passed by her in the village, but he’d never officially met her. She was a legend though. Her name was as widely known as his was and it would be even greater if she was older. He’d heard the stories about her. She was Tsunade’s apprentice, having already succeeded her years ago. He knew she’d been a vital part in winning the war. At age sixteen, she was already recognized as one of the strongest in all the nations. He guessed she was probably around twenty-six now. She would definitely be a challenge.

Kakashi nodded and Sakura grinned, holding out her hand. “Haruno Sakura.”

Kakashi shook her hand, amused that she was so excited to spar with him. “Hatake Kakashi.”

Sakura took a step back away from him and pulled on her gloves. As soon as she did so, Kakashi knew they had begun. She immediately struck the ground with her first, causing the ground to rip across the field like an earthquake. She’d barely hit it, but the damage was indescribable. Kakashi had to jump out of the way or risk falling into the fracture she’d created. When he caught her eye through all the debris and dirt, she had this satisfied smirk on her face. Kakashi felt himself smiling underneath his mask, eager to find out just exactly what Haruno Sakura was capable of. 

She wasn’t just strong with amazing chakra control, she was also smart. Even if he still had his sharringan, she’d be a worthy opponent. She anticipated his moves almost perfectly while also executing her own attacks without fail. It seemed like it went on for hours and it might have, considering how the sun had moved in the sky. Kakashi was feeling exhausted and Sakura didn’t’ look much better off judging from the way she panted and the sweat that glistened along her muscles. 

Eventually she stopped and held up her hand, giving him a breathless smile. “That’s going to have to be it for me, Hatake. I can’t show up dead on my feet to the hospital for my shift.”

Kakashi nodded, a little thankful she had stopped the spar. He didn’t know how much longer he would’ve been able to keep going just for training’s sake. “Good spar, Haruno. Your reputation precedes you.”

She grinned and brushed her hair out of her face. “You, too.” Then, she turned on her heel and walked away from him, throwing over her shoulder, “See you around!”

Kakashi watched her go, still as confident as she was when she entered the ground. Before he had never got what was all the hype about her. _She was beautiful and deadly, with a short temper._ But now he could kind of see it. There was definitely a certain _something_ about her.

***

He should’ve expected to run into her there, but he hadn’t and he was a little thrown off when he walked into Gai’s hospital room to see her standing over his bed. Gai was asleep, but Sakura still had this soft smile on her face as she checked over him. She didn’t look at Kakashi as she told him in a quiet voice, “He should wake up soon. He just passed out from exhaustion. The worst damage he has is a couple of broken ribs.”

Kakashi nodded even though she couldn’t see and stepped towards the bed. She glanced at him with a smile as she picked up the clipboard at the end of the bed. “Are all those challenges you two do as crazy as everyone says they are?”

Kakashi chuckled and looked away from Gai towards her. “Gai has a knack for the ridiculous.”

She laughed with a nod as she scribbled on her board. “I can imagine if he’s anything like Lee.”

“Where is Lee, anyway?” Kakashi asked her, surprised to not see Gai’s mini-me sleeping at his bedside.

Sakura rolled her eyes, but Kakashi could still see her small smile. “I finally convinced him to go get something to eat. I’m sure he won’t stay away for long, though.” She put the clipboard back in its place and stepped towards the door. “I have to go check on other patients. Stay as long as you like, Hatake.”

Kakashi offered her his signature crinkled eye smile and wave as she left. She closed the door with a soft click and he turned back to Gai. He was sure Gai would be alright, but he was a good friend so he wanted to come check anyway.

Sakura had a different way about her while she was in the hospital. She still had that air of confidence around her, but it was clear she was completely in her element here. She was calm and comfortable. Kakashi wondered if it had anything to do with the fact that she ran the hospital or if she had always been like that as a med nin. 

Kakashi barely knew her and he was never one to trust so easily, but he felt surprisingly comfortable leaving Gai in her care. He felt a bit unnerved by the feeling, but he tried to shrug it off as he stepped out of Gai’s room.

***

Kakashi was surprised again the next time he ran into Sakura. He’d been meeting some friends for drinks at the bar and when he’d reached the table they were all gathered around, she was there laughing about something with Kurenai. She smiled at him when she saw him and Kakashi took the only open seat next to her. 

She was slightly different in this setting, too. She was relaxed, her long hair flowing freely down her back out of its usual pony tail. She had a loose red top on instead of the usual vest she wore. Her cheeks were slightly flushed, probably from the alcohol that was sitting in front of her. Kakashi felt a little warm looking at her under the soft light of the bar for reasons he couldn’t explain.

Kurenai grinned at him from across the table when he sat down. “Hey, Kakashi. You’ve met Sakura, right?”

“A couple of times.” He glanced at the woman beside him who smiled into her sake cup. 

Kurenai raised an eyebrow and he could already tell she was about to go on one of her _Kakashi needs to get laid_ schemes. Before she could, Kakashi told Sakura, “Mah, I didn’t know you two knew each other.”

“Not very well, but my friend babysits her kid a lot.” Sakura shrugged and added with a smirk explaining why she was there, “Genma owes me a drink since I saved his ass on our last mission, so I tagged along with him.”

As if his name had summoned him, Genma appeared behind her with a cocky grin. “ _And_ for the beautiful Sakura, a bottle of sake.” Then, dramatically set the bottle down in front of her with a bow.

Sakura rolled her eyes, but told him with a nod, “Thank you, Genma.” He winked at her and then sat down at the end of the table by Kurenai. Kurenai spared Kakashi one last knowing look before turning to Genma to ask him where Kotetsu was.

Kakashi gestured at the empty sake bottle in front of Sakura. “Don’t overdo it just because Genma’s paying.”

Sakura laughed with a snort and he couldn’t help but find it oddly charming. She turned to him with a cocked eyebrow. “Do you _know_ who my Shishou is?”

The image of a very drunk and uncontrollable Tsunade flashed through his mind. He asked her doubtfully, “Are you implying that Tsunade-sama trained you in things beyond the battlefield?”

She smiled at him coyly as she raised her glass to her plump lips. “Care to find out, Kakashi? Bet I could drink you under the table.”

Kakashi was quickly learning that Sakura liked challenges just as much as himself. He didn’t comment on the slip of his name. He just waved to the bartender and told her, “Mah, I think I’m safe if you bet anything like your _Shishou_ does, Sakura.”

Sakura laughed and grinned at him enthusiastically. “You’re _on_.”

It took a couple hours, but Kakashi slowly realized he might have bitten off more than he could chew this time. Besides the red in her cheeks and the way she would sometimes lean against him, it was hard to tell that Sakura had been drinking at all let alone the growing bottles in front of her. Then, again, Kakashi was well adapt at hiding how drunk he was from his drinking challenges with Gai. He could feel it, though, whereas Sakura seemed perfectly fine.

She was an interesting person to talk to. Each time he saw her and got to know her little by little, he became more impressed by her. He found out the only person out of their large group that she really knew was Genma, but she was just as comfortable as everyone else. She easily talked to anyone who spoke to her. But remembering she was best friends with Uzumaki Naruto, it wasn’t that surprising that she was sociable. 

He’d mistakenly assumed that she’d been a child prodigy like he had, but he was wrong. Sakura told him slightly bashful that she’d been a horrible genin. Besides her chakra control, she hadn’t had any other real skill. Not until she’d asked Tsunade to take her under her wing after her sensei died on a mission. She said she’d always felt like the weakest link on her team so she’d worked hard to catch up to everyone else. 

After she’d told him all that, she quickly changed the subject. She looked at him with a twinkle in her eyes. “So, how you holding up, Kakashi?”

He felt sluggish, but he lied, “Perfectly fine. You?”

“Perfectly fine,” she parroted back and took another drink. Kakashi did _not_ stare at her in amazement as she drowned the glass. 

Kakashi called her bluff. “You sure? Do you have someone I should call when you pass out on the floor?”

She simply rolled her eyes at him and shook her head. “No, I take care of myself.” She smiled and nudged him with her arm. “Really, though, I don’t want the Copy Nin’s reputation tainted because I had to carry his drunk ass to his apartment.”

Kakashi chuckled. “I’m sure I’ve been seen doing much more embarrassing things.”

“Oh?” Sakura snorted and raised an eyebrow. She propped her elbow up on the table and leaned her head in her hand. “Well, you _have_ to tell me now.” 

So, he told her about various challenges he’d done with Gai, the more _ridiculous_ ones. Her hair would fall forward as she laughed and Kakashi became addicted to the image and sound. He kept telling her stories even when they started to drift away from the challenges just to get her to laugh. They barely noticed when their friends started to slowly leave one by one until they were by themselves. 

When Kakashi finally did, he figured it was probably time he head home. He took one last drink and told Sakura, “I think I’m going to call it a night.”

She nodded and stood up from her chair with him. “I probably should too.”

They walked out together but when Kakashi went to turn left, Sakura called after him hesitantly, “Hey, Kakashi!”

He stopped and looked at her with a raised eyebrow. She walked over to him and gestured in the direction he was going. “Let me walk you home.”

Kakashi laughed. “What?”

Sakura gave him a _look_ and started walking, making him follow after her. “Now, _I_ have a technique to control my alcohol intake. I don’t know about you. But I do know you drank as much as I did.”

Kakashi sighed, but he had a smile underneath his mask. “Sakura, I don’t need you to walk me home.”

“Ah, well, too bad. I’m going to anyway. I’d feel bad if I let you stumble home drunk and you passed out in the middle of a street.”

Kakashi chuckled and stopped arguing. He still didn’t know her that well, but he could imagine her stubbornly doing whatever she wanted to no matter what he said. 

They were quiet as they walked with just the sound of their footsteps in the night. Kakashi couldn’t help but glance at Sakura every now and then. She had a peaceful smile on her face and Kakashi wondered how someone could always look so happy. The moonlight danced across her skin occasionally and Kakashi had to admit she was beautiful. 

She caught his eye when they’d reached his apartment and asked him with a coy smile, “Something on your mind, Kakashi?”

“Just thinking about how much of a gentleman you are, Sakura.” Kakashi told her, making her chuckle.

She gave him a small wave before bounding down the stairs they’d just climbed. She told him for a second time, “I’ll see you around!”

Kakashi watched her go until she was out of sight and then stepped into his apartment with a small smile. _Yeah, he guessed so._

***

Genma brought it up a few days later when they were out on a mission. They were sitting by the fire and Genma looked over at him with a sly smile. “So, you and Sakura, huh?”

Kakashi stared at him blankly. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Genma rolled his eyes along with the senbon in his mouth. He scoffed. “Yeah, alright, Kakashi. Everyone saw you guys the other night.”

Kakashi fought back a sigh and kept his face emotionless. “I was talking with her just like I would talk with Kurenai.”

Genma just shook his head, not buying it. “Whatever. Sakura’s pretty cute. I can see how she’s your type –“

“She’s not –“

“She’d be good for you too. She won’t put up with all of your bullshit.” Genma cocked a grin at him and Kakashi rolled his eyes.

Kakashi didn’t offer him a response and Genma frowned. “Come on, man. I don’t see what the problem is.”

“There’s not any problem, Genma.” Kakashi sighed and stared at the fire, wishing he wasn’t having this conversation with _Genma_ of all people. “Besides you seeing things that aren’t there.”

Genma shook his head and didn’t say anything for a while. Then, after a few minutes he told him, “You know you can have all of it too, right? The wife. The kids. The white picket fence if you’re into that. You don’t have to keep isolating yourself.”

Kakashi didn’t say anything and Genma just gave him a smile before climbing into his sleeping bag. Kakashi hadn’t given him much to respond to, but the conversation kept running through his mind the rest of the night. 

***

“Funny how you’re suddenly everywhere I go, Sakura.” Kakashi leaned over her shoulder in front of a vegetable stand. She turned around with a smile, tucking her hair behind her ear and looking up at him. “If this keeps happening, I’m just going to have to assume you’re stalking me.”

She rolled her eyes at him and poked him in the chest. “Or maybe I’ve always been around and you just didn’t see me until you started _looking_? Hmm, Kakashi?

Before he could reply that _he wasn’t looking for her_ , Sakura stepped away to look through a crate of peppers and asked, “Out shopping?” 

It was obvious it was what she up to considering her civilian clothes and that they were in the street market. Kakashi rarely shopped, he was never home long enough to keep food in the fridge. It would just be spoiled by the time he came back from a mission. But Sakura was also head medic so she didn’t go out on as many mission as he did.

Kakashi stuffed his hands in his pockets. “No, I just got back from a mission. I was on my way to grab something to eat.”

She glanced at him and hummed, “Oh, you must be starving then.” Then, she straightened suddenly and looked at him with a wide smile. “Hey, would you like to have dinner with me?”

He didn’t get a chance to answer before she blushed and backtracked, “It’s just you said you were hungry and – well, I live alone, so I always cook too much, anyway. So…”

He could see the hope in her eyes as she rose an eyebrow at him expectantly. He felt an odd warmth in his chest seeing her blush and invite him over. But Kakashi felt something tugging him back from her like a warning in the back of his head with flashing lights. He answered her reluctantly, “Maybe some other time, Sakura.”

Her face fell, but a second later she was giving him a soft smile. She put a hand on his arm and held up a finger at him, threatening, “I’m going to hold you to that.” 

Then, she walked away from him to continue her shopping and her back struck out so vividly amongst the crowd. He felt a sinking feeling in his stomach the farther she went. Where she had touched his arm felt unusually warm and he subconsciously put his hand over it. If rejecting her offer felt so bad, then why had he done so in the first place? _You know you can have all of it too, right?_

Kakashi didn’t even think as he called after her, “Sakura!”

She stopped and looked over her shoulder at him in question. Kakashi caught up to her with a nervous smile underneath his mask. “Actually, dinner sounds great.”

Her face brightened and he was thankful she didn’t ask why he’d said no in the first place. She simply tugged on his sleeve in encouragement to follow her as she finished picking up ingredients. She went on about different things she could make since he was joining her. He could tell she was excited, especially when she said she’d only ever cooked for her teammate, Naruto. _He’d die without me, you know. All he ever eats is ramen…_

Kakashi just listened to her chatter, content to just walk with her silently. There was still that part of his mind that was trying to pull him away, saying that this wasn’t a good idea and to back out. But, at least for tonight, he ignored it. It felt a lot better to just _give in_ for once.

***

Kakashi leaned against her counter as she cooked beside him. It was oddly peaceful to watch her cook. Like every other situation he’d seen her in, she was confident, dashing spices and handling the skillet with grace and skill. She wouldn’t let him help when he’d offered. _You’re a guest, Kakashi. Just relax._ But really, even if she took him up on it, he wouldn’t know what to do. The best he could do was probably to chop up vegetables. He hadn’t cooked a meal like this since he was a child. It made him realize that hers would be the first home cooked meal he’d had in a _long_ time.

Even though she had said she lived alone, her apartment felt like it was too big for just one person. He asked her, “So, you’re sure some guy’s not going to come home and kick my ass for eating his dinner?”

Sakura laughed, sparing him a glance as she moved food around with a spatula in the skillet. “No, Kakashi. If some guy _does_ walk in here saying that, he’s crazy and I will be kicking his ass myself.”

“No boyfriend, then?” Kakashi couldn’t stop himself from asking.

“ _No_.” Sakura looked over at him in amusement and then continued cooking. He tried to not think about how much that simple word relieved him.

“I actually haven’t ever dated anyone,” Sakura admitted from the stove a little embarrassed, not looking at him. 

He would’ve told her that he was the same, but couldn’t get over his surprise. “Really?”

She nodded as she dished their dinner out on plates. He watched her pause as something occurred to her, then she shrugged. “I was in love once a long time ago, for years.” She answered his unspoken question, “I wasn’t enough for him, though, so I let him go.”

_Enough?_ How could anyone ever think that _Sakura_ wasn’t _enough_? There was so much to Sakura. He could tell that with barely knowing her. He couldn’t imagine how someone who’d known her for years could look at her and think she was inadequate. Kakashi told her as they sat down at her small table, “He’s an idiot.”

She was quiet for a moment and when he glanced at her, her cheeks were a faint pink and she was looking at him a bit in awe. She replied softly back, “Thank you.”

Sakura was an amazing cook and Kakashi made sure to tell her before he left. The smile she gave back made his heart skip a beat. He felt like he should say something as she walked him out, so he told her, “Thank you for dinner, Sakura.”

She leaned against the open door and smiled at him, saying in a sweet voice, “You’re welcome any time, Kakashi.”

He gave her a small nod, finding himself repeating her words from earlier. “I’m going to hold you to that.”

Her light laugh rang in his ears his whole walk home.

***

“Kakashi!” Kakashi turned to the sound of her voice to see her walking over to him to stand in line beside him. She smiled at him and all of Kakashi’s attention was immediately drawn to her, now oblivious to the scolding Genma was getting from Iruka.

Kakashi raised an eyebrow at her. “Just now turning in your mission report?”

She pointed her scroll at him. “Hey, even if it’s always last minute, I never turn it in _late_. Unlike _someone_ …”

Kakashi feigned ignorance and stuffed his hands in his pants. “Wow, that someone must be pretty rude to do that to poor Iruka-sensei.”

Sakura hummed in response and then nodded at his mission report. “How late is that one, Kakashi?”

“Mah, it’s not late at all, Sakura. It hasn’t been two weeks since my last mission,” he answered her proudly and she gave him a doubtful look. He dropped the act and asked her, “How do you know I always turn them in late, anyway?”

She took a step with him as the line moved and shrugged. “I’ve seen Iruka giving you a lashing in here a couple times while I waited for my turn.”

“Is that when your heroic image of me became tainted?” Kakashi asked her, wondering why he hadn’t taken more notice of her earlier. Like she said, it did seem like she had always been there. If only he had known to look for her.

Sakura snorted. “Oh, no, Kakashi, I had already heard plenty of goofy rumors about you before then.”

Kakashi sighed dramatically and asked, “Which reputation do you think is more accurate?”

She looked up thoughtfully then smiled. “Definitely the goofy one.”

Before Kakashi could respond, Iruka had called out, “Next!”

Realizing it was his turn, Kakashi turned to him with his crinkly eyed smile. “Good morning, Iruka-sensei.”

Iruka narrowed his eyes at him and held out his hand. “Good morning, Kakashi. Surprised to you turning your report in early.”

“Mah, a man can change,” Kakashi told him and gave him the small scroll.

He watched in amusement as Iruka’s eyebrow twitched when he opened it. He sighed and closed his eyes, rubbing the spot in between his eyebrows. “Kakashi, do you mind telling me why there are no words on here and only pictures?”

“I thought it would be more descriptive that way,” he answered, hearing Sakura snicker behind him.

She leaned forward over his shoulder to look at the paper. “Oh, what a cute dog. Is that one of your summons?”

“Thank you, Sakura-chan, and yes, that’s Pakkun.” He smiled at her, holding back a laugh when he looked back to Iruka to see him glaring at them both.

Iruka pointed the scroll between her and Kakashi. “I don’t know how you know him, Sakura, but please do not encourage his antics _or_ start taking after him.” 

Sakura only laughed and when he turned back to Kakashi, Kakashi pulled out another scroll from his back and gave it to him. “Here. Since you apparently prefer the boring one.”

Iruka rolled his eyes at him, taking the real mission report. “I hate when you do that.”

“Mah, I’m just trying to make your day a little less boring, Iruka-sensei.”

“Yeah, yeah,” he mumbled, but Kakashi could see the hint of a smile. He thought it was fun to tease him, but he’d never want for Iruka to actually be angry with him.

While he waited for Iruka to read over his report, he turned back to Sakura and she asked him, “Hey, what’s your favorite food? I was just wondering, so I can cook it next time you come over for dinner.”

Kakashi stared at her, surprised she would care enough to ask, but before he could reply, Kurenai appeared beside him and answered, “Miso soup, but you have to put eggplant in it. He likes it for some weird reason.” She crinkled her nose and side glanced at Kakashi, who just looked at her wondering when she had got there.

Iruka interrupted their conversation to tell Kakashi, “Everything looks good, Kakashi. You can go. Have a good day.”

Kakashi nodded at him and Sakura took a step towards Iruka’s desk. She smiled at Kurenai telling her, “Thanks, Kurenai,” before turning to Iruka to hand in her own report. 

Kakashi looked back to Kurenai and she gave him that _knowing_ smirk with her eyebrow raised. He rolled his eyes at her and she chuckled before walking away. Iruka had given Sakura the all clear and she turned to Kakashi with a smile. She gave him a quick, “Bye, Kakashi!” before leaving the room.

Kakashi made a move to leave as well, but then Genma passed by him. He was smirking and mimicked Sakura’s voice with a small wave, “Bye, Kakashi!”

Nobody would blame him, so Kakashi smacked him on the head before walking out. Really, Genma was just lucky _Sakura_ hadn’t heard him. Kakashi had heard enough stories about her temper to know not to ever piss her off.

***

It felt odd to spend so much time with someone. Sure, Kakashi had friends, but never someone he saw as much as Sakura. He’d started to have dinner with her more often over the next few months. When it started to feel like he was mooching off her, he made a habit of paying for her groceries. They didn’t always have dinner. Sometimes she’d talk him into a spar or they went out for drinks. It was the most comfortable Kakashi had felt with anyone.

He didn’t see her every day, but it seemed like he thought about her that often. It took a lot to not go looking for her when he wanted to see her. He had a feeling he’d always be able to find her if he looked, which scared him because one day she might not be there for him to find. He was getting more attached to her the longer he spent with her. A part of him thought it was a bad idea. Kakashi didn’t get _attached_ to people. But he didn’t think he could stop it even if he wanted to. Every time he saw her, he learned more about who Haruno Sakura was and he was never disappointed. It made him jealous of all the people she’d known for years. He felt like he could never learn enough and it was aggravating.

She was like a parasite, the way she had climbed inside of him and made herself at home. He could never get her out of his head and when either of them were on a mission it just got worse. He didn’t understand any of it; how it had happened, how he felt, how she had managed to carve herself into him so deep he needed her just to fill the hole she’d left behind. The thing that left him the most confused, though, was how _good_ it felt. 

She was _terrifying_. He’d pissed her off on a couple of occasions and the warning he’d seen in her eyes was enough to make him learn quickly. He’d seen her throw Genma without a care thirty feet because he’d made the mistake of saying something perverted to her. Kakashi was sure she could kill a man with one flick of the finger if she wanted to. It was amazing how powerful she was. 

She had a kind heart and Kakashi had been surprised when he saw how deeply she could still care. She’d lived through a war just like he had when she was young, she’d lost people, killed people. But she was still able to smile, to laugh, to _care_. She wasn’t bitter and she didn’t hate the world like some people did who’d gone through the same traumas as her. Kakashi had visited her in the hospital before and seen how she was with her patients. No matter who it was, whether it was a genin or a hardened jounin who didn’t even smile at her, she always treated them with the care of a mother. She treated civilians too and Kakashi had watched her make a toddler laugh before sticking him with a needle. She was loving.

She was beautiful in so many ways and Kakashi seemed to find a new one ever day. Her lips were plump and they stretched across her face when she smiled. A few freckles dusted her cheeks just below her eyes, hardly noticeable if you weren’t close enough. She threw her head back when she laughed and her shoulders shook. If he could get her to laugh hard enough, she would snort in the most adorable way. Her eyes held her emotions and sometimes he found himself staring into them like he was trying to read her heart. She usually put her hair up but he noticed as the day went on, long pink hair would fall from it and it would all just end up a complete mess. He’d asked her one time why she didn’t just cut it not knowing it was apparently a sensitive subject. She’d told him she used to have it short, but she preferred it long, simply because _she_ liked it long. He hadn’t understood the implication at the time, but hadn’t argued. She was beautiful the way she was, anyway.

Her voice haunted his dreams, how it was sweet and soft at times and loud and demanding at others. Her laughter rang in his ears and he could imagine the way her face scrunched up as he laid awake in bed at night. She gave him dozens of expressions, but she always had this _warm_ look in her eyes when she looked at him. It scared him at the same time it comforted him. He’d never believed someone could look at him so softly, with such affection. But she did and he hadn’t even needed to do anything. She never asked anything of him, just gave and took what he offered. It made him increasingly aware of how he didn’t deserve to have her.

He tried to not spar with her as much as time went on. The closer he’d gotten to her, the more distracted he became when they spared. _She_ was distracting. Her hair danced in the wind like pink silk ribbons when she moved. Her body moved with purpose and power, her muscles strong and glistening with sweat. She always had this satisfied smirk on her face, an expression that never failed to make his heart skip a beat in anticipation. When she breathed, the fabric of her red vest stretched across her chest. _No, it was better to just avoid sparing at all cost._

He learned that today as he looked down at her panting beneath him. He had her pinned with her hands above her head and his thighs around her waist. He knew she must’ve given in and let him win, otherwise there was no way he could hold her down like he was. Her skin was warm where he was touching her and he fought the urge to let his hand trail down to her side. 

Her eyes never left his as she tried to catch her breath, relaxing in his grasp. It was like she was searching for something in his eyes and he was worried what she would find. She caught him off guard when she asked him, “What’s next, Kakashi?”

He knew the answer she wanted and his chest tightened at the thought. But he couldn’t give it to her. There were too many reasons why he couldn’t, why he _shouldn’t_. He felt that sinking feeling in his gut as he stood up and held out his hand to her. “Lunch?”

He saw the disappointment that flashed across her face, but she quickly hid it with a smile and nodded. “Okay.” She grabbed his hand and let him pull her to her feet. She squeezed his hand before letting go. “But you’re paying.”

Kakashi chuckled as they walked. “Why? I won, shouldn’t you pay?”

Sakura turned on her heel and walked backwards, shaking her head. She smiled widely at him and gave him a wink. “It’s your prize, to take a beautiful woman out to lunch.” 

He smiled, following her. “Mah, I guess it’s worth it then.”

***

Kakashi woke with a splitting headache and feeling like he could barely breath. He opened his eyes and the room slowly focused around him. The sound of someone breathing caught his attention and he looked to his right to see Sakura sleeping with a chair pulled up to the side of his hospital bed. She was still wearing her doctor’s coat. Her hair was falling out of her ponytail like usual draping across her face like a shredded curtain. He reached out for her, his arm feeling like lead and gently brushed her hair out of her face. 

He tried to sit up and almost gasped in pain, clutching at his side where he remembered a blade had been embedded however many days ago. He leaned against his headboard and tried to catch his breath, looking down at the woman by his side. One of her hands was outstretched towards him making him wonder if she fell asleep holding his hand. It was something she would do. He could see blood under her nails and wondered how bad he had been when his team had brought him to her. His heart broke when he noticed the tears stains on her cheeks. He must have been on the edge of something, for her to break her professional façade and cry. It wasn’t like her. But it didn’t matter. _Sakura should never have to cry over him._

The moonlight shined through his window covering Sakura in a soft cool light while the corners of the room remained in darkness. It was fitting how the light didn’t reach his side of the bed. Sakura had always been the one to wear light like it was a blanket while the darkness was his cloche. He wondered what it was that he was doing with her – rather, what _she_ was doing with _him_. He didn’t know what he ever did to deserve the looks she gave him. He didn’t deserve a lot of things, including _her_. He didn’t understand what she saw in him, whatever it was, it had to be a mask. She wouldn’t stick around once she saw any deeper. Even if she did, he would just taint her. The colors of her life would eventually blend together into a muddled black the longer she spent with him. She was too good for him and if anyone wasn’t _enough_ , it was him. He’d been selfish thinking he could have her while also holding her at a distance. Sakura deserved better than that.

Kakashi silently took the blanket off himself and draped it gently over her shoulders. He silenced the machines he’d been hooked up to before pulling everything off him. He winced as he got out of the bed, but managed to keep quiet as he walked to the window. He took a deep breath and forced himself to not look back before stealthily climbing through the window.

***

He should’ve expected her to come and kick his door in. At least he hoped she hadn’t actually _kicked it in_. But judging from the deafening sound of the door slamming against his wall, he wouldn’t put it past her. He met her in the hallway that turned into his living room. 

He must have been crazy, because he still thought she looked breathtaking as she glared at him in her fury. She was dressed the same as earlier so she must have come straight to his apartment after finding his bed empty. She gestured her hands at him angrily and yelled, “What the _hell_ is wrong with you? Do you have _any_ idea the kind of condition you were in? You can’t just get up and _leave_!”

He tried to ease her anger a bit and gestured down at himself. “Sakura, as you can see, I’m fine.”

Her glare seemed to become even more heated and she took a step towards him. Her anger hadn’t calmed at all, she was furious. She pointed a finger accusingly at him. “Kakashi, you almost _died_!”

He hated how her voice broke, how she was almost shaking in front of him. It made his chest feel like it was being weighed down with lead hanging. _How could she care so much?_ It didn’t make sense to him. He avoided looking at her and leaned against the wall with a sigh.

He could feel her temper deflate the longer she stared at him, her eyes feeling like hot coals on him burning into his skin. But there was still anger – no, _worry_ in her voice when she spoke his name, “Kakashi.”

“Why do you care?” he finally asked her, looking at her lost and confused.

She stared back at him and he could tell she was taken aback by the question. She caught her breath then glared at him. “Why do I care if _you die_? What the hell kind of question is that?”

He felt his chest tighten and he swallowed the lump in his throat. He didn’t know what he was asking her to do; to answer the question, to leave and never look back, to stop yelling. But he said her name in almost desperation, “ _Sakura_.” 

She took another step towards him, now only a few feet away. “Because we’re _friends_ , Kakashi, and I _care_ about you!”

Kakashi shook his head and met her eyes. It was cruel, but maybe it was what she needed to let go of him. “No, we’re not.” It was true, in a way they’d never been friends. What they had between them wasn’t simple friendship.

He could see the hurt in her eyes and it caused a sharp pain in his chest. She didn’t back down though, and her hurt brought her anger back. “Yes, we _are_ , dammit! You may be able to fool everyone else with this bullshit, Kakashi, but not me. We’re friends. _Good_ friends.” Another step and she was close enough to reach for. She shook her head at him, not looking away from his eyes. “You’re just scared of anyone getting close to you, of _intimacy_. So, you’re pushing me away. That’s what this is.”

“So, what if it is, Sakura?” Kakashi snapped back at her and stepped away from her. He ran his fingers through his hair and looked back at her hopelessly. “I’m not worth it, Sakura. This fight you’re putting up? For _me_? I’m not worth it. I’m an old man who’s past still haunts. I have battle scars that you’ll never see. I’ve never properly loved anyone in my life. I can’t give it to you, Sakura. The romantic love story. I’m not – I don’t deserve this, what you’re trying to give me. I’m not good enough for it.” He let out a deep breath, staring into her wide eyes so maybe she would get it. He hoped she would, but at the same time the thought terrified him. “I’m not good enough for you. I’m not _enough_.”

Sakura was quiet and he couldn’t read her expression as she stepped towards him. His feet were planted to the ground like they were stuck in cement. But he didn’t think he could move away from her even if he wanted to. 

Sakura always took him by surprise, so in a way he should’ve expected her to in that moment. The way she reached up was slow, but before he knew it, she’d yanked down his mask and tugged on it to pull him to her. Her lips crashed against his and he could feel her fingers gripping harshly at his hair. He only noticed she’d started crying because her lips were wet. 

It had lasted only seconds and when she pulled away she met his eyes. She spoke with a harsh bite to her voice, “ _Idiot_. You’re _plenty_. “ She kissed him again and this time she gave him enough time to kiss her back. It felt like something short of breathing for the first time. It was exhilarating and made him feel _whole_. He wrapped his arm around her waist and buried his hand in her hair. He kissed her with how much he’d wanted to since he met her. It was almost overwhelming how she held on to him with just as much want.

When they broke for air, she looked at him breathless and gave him a smile he hadn’t realized he’d missed so much. “You know, I could lift a house with a finger. So, I’m pretty sure I can help you carry all that baggage you lug around.”

He smiled back at her and leaned forward to kiss her again. “Only if you let me help carry yours.”

“Deal.”


End file.
